By Mark Beaumier
About two weeks ago, I was told I had reach the age of a colonoscopy and so I was asked very directly by my doctor to go to the hospital for the procedure. So the day before I was told to drink nothing, but this Prep that they gave me a very bitter tasting stuff that clean out my system. It was a miserable experience and I was to sit there and watch my family eat steak, and me, a glass of 7up.
Oh, I not against people going to do this procedure and I sure that it has save lives. In the end, either way we all are advise to go though this from around 43 to 55 years old. However, in the process it could humiliate you, or give you gas.
I arrived at around 8 am to what I was a expecting to be a in and out procedure and quite frankly in was. To that I presented myself to a WONDERFUL doctor who just so happens to be German. Nothing against Germans! It is this that I became a where she most likely took this job as a way to give men a taste of their own medicine. I don’t like Hospitals, I tolerate Doctors!
Now as I walked into her office she explain to me what she plan to do. She said they take this probe which by the way has a camera and stick it up my, well you know, my tuss, my behind, my butt. And then they explore my colon making a left hand turn, another left hand turn and then check my colon. In the process they then come out and leave my butt.
I looked at her and said: “you do what?” I thought they were joking. But I didn’t thing the German speaking Doctor was joking with the face she had looking at me. My wife of course said sure you can do this, no problem. I thought ok I will if you will! Well that didn’t work!
So as I was about to enter into this agreement to have it done, I had no Idea what to expect. I was not to sure I wanted to do it and in fact I almost didn’t do it. It isn’t I didn’t want it done it’s just I rather see someone else do it than me. Yes I am a coward and Yes I would rather watch someone I love go thought it than me. I thought geez I went throught Child birth just find as long as my wife did all the work!
So as I walked through the door of the clinic I waited very patiently til my time to be in the exam room and their awaiting me was the doctor. I then was told that they would take a samples for testing and then while they was there blow some air up my butt. Yes up my you know!
Well you know that is not what you expect to hear from your Doctor and tell you the very truth, I had not one idea of what the final results were of them doing this to me.
I can tell one and all that one result was crystal clean to me. It was that I would suffer the humiliating result of passing gas, expressing one self from the other end of the body, Doing the kaboom while you friends and family were telling you, you had nothing to worry about. It wasn’t to bad.
I was doing what my great Uncle Barney would do when he asked me as a kid to put his finger.
Now I was find and as my wife drove me home our car expel more gas them humanly possible, my wife wonder if it was me or the vehicle. I naturally blame it on the car? While one is under these conditions one must always blame any one or thing other than oneself.
To wit as we walk from the car to our condo and pass one of our neighbors I couldn’t help let our the biggest fart in the world. One that could be heard through most of the condo complex and one that I will always remember. The Neighbour looked at me and my wife and said; Oh he must had when through a Colonoscopy.
My wife turned red and me I just smile and said yep! The experience was to say the lease humiliating and glad I can wait another ten years to go thought that again. But as I was leaving the hospital a nurse came running to me saying Mr. Beaumier you forgot the pictures of your colon! Yes there are pictures and yes, I didn’t forget them. My wife and I looked at the pictures, and looked at each other and I said: I’m so proud!
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