Many Years ago, I was a divorce Dad trying to get fair visitation with very little success and discovering that how selfish and immature the whole system is. Recently a American Father who was trying to gain custody of his son whose mother who fled to Brazil bought back some very unpleasant memories. The memories of a mother who was out to cause pain to the father and disrupt the child's life in so many ways.
Many Americans were horrified how the Brazilian Court would with hold a father his right to his son, but in reality the American Courts are far more Barbaric than anything foreign, when it comes to Father’s rights. Typically we can see how destructive American courts can be to the family structure and without regard to the extended family and to the child's heritage! Grandparents who after a divorce do not see their grandchildren in any way shape or form.
With two-thirds of divorces initiated by women – thereby immediately casting the man as the "defendant" – and with courts overwhelmingly biased toward mother already, women are held both to be more naturally suited to nurturing and child-rearing, in practice the custody process typically amounts to a "power grab" by which fathers are forcibly separated from their children.
The fathers may have committed no crime; they may in fact be more dedicated than the mother to the marital stability that's in their kids' best interest, but no matter. The mother is rewarded for courageously having taken the "initiative" in the divorce – for having invited, that is, the power of the state to arbitrate in the most private areas of their family life. In other words they the "Mother" destroys the family and is given a big thank you by the powers to be, and becoming a burden to the state through increase welfare and social programs.
This type of barbaric behavior shown thought when dealing in my case everyday when I was trying to get fair visitation and in doing so my son’s mother did her best to lesson my role in the son’s life. My son this year turns 30 years old and I have not seen him in almost 18 years.
I was not invited to his graduation from High school, as I was not included in the normal events fathers who are not divorce. I was treated as a outsider in the very life of my son, from a system incapable in the State of Utah of enforcing the very laws it developed and had it’s judges rule on. And in fact I have not even till recently see a picture of my son! One picture in 18 years?
Child custody is in the stone age in this country and we see it every day with extreme high crime rates. Seven of the eight studies that used nationally representative data, for example, found that children in single-parent or other non-intact family structures were at greater risk of committing criminal or delinquent acts. Also a recent study shows increase of 13% in female-headed households would produce a doubling of the offense rate." (Osgood and Chambers 2000, p. 103)
We also see children of Divorce unable to separate from their mothers and unable to make decisions when it comes to the fathers or in life in general. They are stuck in a threatening situation growing up by the single parent whether it be a single mother or single father. A codependent situation occurs and what the child felt when younger reappears when they become adults.
'Harding of hearts' by parents, make it harder on the child and makes his life far more difficult then it has to be. Not letting the child grow up makes the child incapable of coping with normal situations in life. This I discovered most recently when I asked my son visit me and my family. I discovered his insecurities and I felt sorry for him when it comes to the pressures he most feel.
Sean Goldman the child in question, is not the only child that hasn’t gone through this type of child custody fight and we in this country need to realized that we cannot condemn Brazil’s courts when our justice system is so screw up in the first place. We have done nothing in this country to enforce Child visitation and custody laws.
We have made the mothers little tin plated dictators and not co equals in the development of the children that both parents bought into this world. We should discover that Motherhood isn’t a right to raise children and may be wrong for male children in comparison to female children.
Perhaps a real custody arrangement needs to develop with younger children be raised by the mother in their younger days and when they reach teenagers the fathers take over to finish off their development. Certainly single mothers do not have a good tract record with a huge percentage of children of divorce in prison coming from that type of household.
Alienation is a terrible thing to do to a child, but it seems that we have so many children so screw up by single motherhood that our society needs to rethink child custody arrangements. We see such high crime rates from non custodian fathers and mothers that certainly the unfairness of the situation contributes to it.
I am certainly happy that David Goldman got back his son, perhaps there is hope for his son, but sadly their is no hope for mine. As a adult my poor son, cannot make a decision without the help of his mother. The very sad thing about this is that a child of divorce so often repeats divorce when and if he or she gets marry, suffering through marriage and unable to cope with it complexities in the same matter as the child's parents.
Goldman prevail and got Sean back, but so often disinfected Fathers do give up seeing their children because of the roadblocks bought by both the Courts, and the hatred shown by the Mothers. They become scare by these actions and of course the only ones that suffer are the children, who become scare themselves, never knowing their Fathers and the love that is there.
Some would say how barbaric the Brazilian courts are. I would say, please don't judge them, until we can look at our own system, and get rid of the Barbarism by destructive parents!
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